Category Archives: Christmas Gifts

Feb10

Things I’ve learned in 2023…

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Things I’ve learned in 2023…

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Friends, I know I’m looking backwards. But Mel Robbins has told us all in her recent podcasts that in order to move forward in 2024 we need to look back at where we’ve been. So this is what I’ve come up with in my own life.  I do hope you will share some of your own lessons learned in the comments. 

  • I can’t be perfect.  Oh, shucks.  I’m learning that there is room for chaos in my life.  Instead of making my bed I can take a morning walk. Instead of cleaning my kitchen I can marvel at the speck of tabouli still stuck to the backsplash since last summer.  As my wonderful “first” husband once told me.. “Rosemarie, the house looks so good and organized.  But the drawers are a mess!” Such a metaphor for me.  My insides are chaotic but the towel hanging on the oven is perfectly folded and squared.
  • A woman “my age” needs to eat more protein! This presents quite the challenge due to my current recoiling to large pieces of animals like turkeys and prime rib roasts. The 2023 holiday dinners just about made me want to join an ashram and go vegan! My current podcast gurus proclaim aging powerfully– not gracefully! Eat your weight in grams of protein! Yikes! Did I hear someone say pass the hummus? How do you like your tofu? Medium rare? Well done?
  • I will never again take a writing class. September of 2022, I traveled to the Omega Institute in New York to take a weeklong class and get my writing game reestablished. I felt like I was back at St. Philip Neri Catholic School with Mrs. Richards telling me to describe an apple in a paragraph on control paper. I learned that I don’t like people telling me how or what to write.  It has to come organically for me.
  • I worry too much. As Shel Silverstein said in his poem “The Whatifs”… Last night while I lay thinking here… some Whatifs crawled inside my ear. Worry solves nothing. I want to practice turning my worry into prayer and meditation.
  • I miss riding my bike.  When I’m on it it’s like flying. The world slows down and looks different to me. I like riding alone with my thoughts.
  • Social media overwhelms me.  Years ago, before Facebook and Instagram, I had a full-time job, wrote a column for both Presentation and Bellarmine’s Monthly Newsletter and kept up in my journal. Â Was its youth or was it the absence of social media? Of course this blog will go on Facebook. Â So I’ve also learned that I can be a hypocrite!
  • I love yoga. It feeds my soul. It gives me time away from the riff raff of life. My mat is my magic carpet, and I am transported.  I love my yoga community- The Morgan Hill Yoga Collective- and my new yoga companions on the journey. It connects me also with my son, Peter, who is a fellow yogi. Jenn, my favorite instructor, says “leave it on the mat”. I do. I leave my angst, my worry, my regrets and my discontent.
  • Fr. Richard Rohr O.F.M. says this- The body cannot live without food. The soul cannot live without meaning. I’m in search of more soul in my life.  Less social media. More yoga. More flying on my bike. More prayer and meditation. Less worry. More writing. More meaning. Fr. Rohr says that most of our politicians are soulless. How do you lead a country when you are soulless?
  • And lastly, I miss God. I grew up Catholic. I married in the Catholic Church. I raised my sons Catholic.  I cantered at Mass, attended bible studies, ran women’s groups and worked for 22 years at a Catholic High School. In 2022 I cut bait, retired, stopped going to Mass, and went cold turkey. As I was putting my Christmas decorations out last year I unwrapped Jesus, Mary and Joseph and wondered for the first time if it all really happened in a manger in the middle of winter. Â the star, the three wise men, and the whole shebang. I suddenly felt like someone had just told me that there was no Santa Claus all over again. I felt hollowed out and bereft.

I need the mystery. I need the unknowing. My life lessons have all hinged-on faith, hope and love. I need the ashes on Ash Wednesday.  I need the meditation and the prayer. I need to let go of my worries.  I need to write and do yoga. I need to feed my body with protein and feed my soul with meaning.

2024 holds for me a daunting challenge.  What changes do I need to make in my life in order to consummate the lessons learned in 2023? What lessons will 2024 present?

What lessons did you learn in 2023?

Dec24

Strength in Numbers

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Strength in Numbers

Anyone familiar with the Shaheen family knows that it is a male dominated clan.  My dad is one of five brothers.  My parents had five sons.  I have three sons.   Four of my brothers all have at least one or two sons.  One of my brothers married a man!  Gee whiz!

Females are a rarity.   And we stick together.

We are not the perfect family by any stretch of the imagination.  We’ve been through some tough things and have come out on the other side, strong in the broken places.  Each of us has a story to tell about the Shaheen men we have lived with, supported, nurtured and loved unconditionally.

I have learned so much about life from these brave women.  They have inspired me.  They have taken me shopping.  They have given me wardrobe and home decorating advice.  They have buoyed me up in times of despair and sadness.   They are the bonuses of my life.

Katie, Mojgan, Susan, Catherine, Christine, Adrienne, Adele, Aimee and Elizabeth.  We are missing Charise, Annamarie, Katy, Sarah, Jessica and my new daughter-in-law Brianna.  God willing, next year we will all be together for this picture.  It will be the best Christmas ever.

I am very grateful for these women.  They bring so many unique gifts and charisms to the Shaheen family.  My life would be very one dimensional without their strength and femininity, compassion and nurturing.  Not to mention our  collective cooking skills!

We no doubt have challenges ahead as every family does.  But we will navigate both the good times and the difficult times as they come.  We are sisters and friends.  We are united by our shared history.

We are strong together.

 

 

Dec31

Putting away Christmas…

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Putting away Christmas…

Ok.. on to the next thing.

My niece and future daughter in law are including me in a group text about wedding showers, having babies and when’s the next party.  My cup runneth over but my energy runneth low. Even though I deeply admire their youthful enthusiasm and love for each other and for me,  I want to text back “Ladies!  Let me get Christmas put away first!”

So many things to look forward to in the new year.  But before I go there I want to be here. I want to be here to put Christmas away.  I want to look at all the ornaments I threw on the tree in such a rush between working, traveling and meal preparing.  It all happened so fast and now it’s over.

I want to be in the kitchen once more with my three sons and my future daughter in law cooking Christmas dinner and laughing about nonsense while the two Goldens, Lua and Willow, gaze at the oven door with the 25 lb. bird inside, hoping to get a quick lick when Patrick opens it to baste.

I want to see Gramma Louise ask for refills on the Vodka Punch, all the while relaxing and enjoying the hustle bustle of her family.

I want to hear once again all the various conversations at the Christmas dinner table with all the guest glowing from the warmth of good food and wine.  I want to reveal the secret ingredient in the stuffing and listen for the pregnant pause.  (ok.. no more secret ingredients in the stuffing- I promise.)  BTW Who guessed the baby Jesus?

I think this was the best Christmas ever.

Years ago, when I was in my early 20’s, I never bought Christmas paper on sale after Christmas.  I didn’t anticipate there being another Christmas.  You know.. it was the ’80s and everyone was talking about Jesus coming again and Revelations in the bible.  Good Catholic that I was (still am but not as good) I took it all to heart.   Existential angst had me wondering about the meaning of life and how my life was going to pan out. It became somewhat of a joke among my family and friends.  After Christmas sales?  You won’t see Rosemarie there!

Now I find myself looking forward to many Christmases to come.  And to wedding, babies, celebrations and most of all to a life filled with love and belonging.  I consider that progress.

But today I am content to take down the ornaments and unstring the lights.  Open empty boxes.  Nativity scene goes in this bag.  Delicate ornaments go in the tins.  Stocking folded with the little white hooks inside for easy hanging next year.  One last deep inhale of the still fragrant tree.

 

 

Dec18

Can you see me now?

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Can you see me now?

When I lived in Portland, Oregon one of my favorite things to do in the evening with my neighbor Clara was walk around the neighborhood and just catch up on the day, build our friendship, and look into peoples’ windows.

From the sidewalk of course!

Homes at night, illuminated from within, reveal so much more than the typical daytime drive-by viewing.  There’s often an interesting lamp or a curious seating arrangement. There is the lighting and the color and the architecture and the moisture on the windows that speaks of warmth and conversations and relationships within.

Clara and I would muse about the decorating but also about the family dwelling inside.  What were they like?  Most houses kept their draperies open in the evening as if to invite such speculation.

As if to say “see me”.

See what I’m like inside.  I may be awkward and not good at conversation.  I may be boorish or abrupt or seemingly uncaring or selfish or grouchy or cross.  I might appear unkempt and desperately in need of a hot meal and some sound sleep!   But look inside me.  See the me illuminated from within. See my intentions and my efforts. See my brokenness and my longings, my fears and insecurities.

In this season of light as we are hurrying to make some magic for our families, as we cook and bake in between 9-5 jobs,  as we volunteer at soup kitchens or church pantries or reach to give a dollar or two to a person with a sign on the corner outside the Safeway (after purchasing $200 worth of groceries how can you not?)…

Stop for a minute and look inside where the lights illuminate who we truly are.  Who the stranger is.  Who my neighbor is.  Who the homeless woman is.  Who I am.

Can you see me now?

Dec5

All Is Calm.. All Is Bright

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All Is Calm.. All Is Bright

This is my next door neighbor’s house.  They are the first house on our street to have their lights up and their tree decorated.  I noticed this Sunday evening as I was walking to my mail box across the street. (I hadn’t had time to get my mail for a few days.)

I said to myself  Jeez!  A bit anxious aren’t we?  I then heard a voice in my ear saying “bah humbug..”.

I looked a little closer and noticed through the window people eating and laughing.  My neighbors were having a holiday party and the guests looked cozy and warm inside- the windows somewhat fogged from the heavy breathing, fun laughter, and everyone talking at the same time.

I was transfixed.

It was a rainy night yet I felt compelled to walk by their house again later that evening just to take it all in.  It was like a Norman Rockwell painting and it stirred within me a nostalgia for days less busy, less hurried and less hectic.  Days filled with the care and feeding of three little boys, putting together puzzles with them, dancing to wild music on the turntable and baking Christmas cookies.  Days when the mail man at the door was one of the most exciting events of the afternoon!

I have to admit, I’ve been a little bit of a Scrooge lately.  With a full time job, preparing for Christmas often feels like taking on an additional part time job!  It always has a lovely ending though the beginning can be rough, plagued by my bad attitude and feelings of impending doom.

Sunday night changed all that.  Something wrenched itself loose in me and I wanted what I saw inside my neighbor’s cheery and festive home.  Love and Joy.  Friendship and laughter.

All things calm and bright…

Let the wild rumpus begin!

 

 

Jan1

Wishing on a Star…

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Wishing on a Star…

that 2012 brings to you and yours

joy that keeps you jumping

hope that helps you hang in there

fortitude to sustain you

prevailing peace

trust that is true

a year full of graced moments

and a sweet lingering legacy of love

Happy New Year

Dec31

Christmas Gifts… A Legacy of Love

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Christmas Gifts… A Legacy of Love

I love the beautiful Christmas song “Mary Did You Know?”  It talks about how Mary came to discover that she had birthed the savior of the world.  Despite her elite appointment as the mother of Jesus, she had to go through what every mother has had to go through.  The months of carrying a child.  The pain of labor.  The miracle of birth.  The daily care and feeding of an infant.  The watching and the worrying and wondering if she’d done this whole parenting thing right or if she could have done it differently or better.

I never quite experienced what love was until I had my first born son.  I remember feeling like a co-creator with God.  I thought I had earned an academy award or at least a thunderous round of applause.  It was such a magnificent feat yet so ordinary really.  Women do it every day.

But the miracle for me was how my life changed in every facet.  I lived each subsequent day in love with this little infant.  I had become a conduit of love.  The love I received from my own mother who labored to deliver me.  The love of both my parents. The love of my siblings and my extended family.   The love I’ve received from friends and people who have touched my life in a significant way.  The love and blessings and forgiveness I have received from my God.

All this love infused into my first born son.

To love is to take on a huge responsibility.  It is a promise to be true and to stand by and watch from a safe distance sometimes rather than rush in and fix.  Love can be fierce and protective or it can be consistent and dependable.  When we take on the challenge of loving someone we open the floodgates of all the love we’ve received into our lives and allow it to flow freely into our new found love.

I am so thankful for this legacy of love that I have been gifted.  Perhaps it is the most precious Christmas gift I have ever received.  And the most invaluable gift that I can give.

<3

 

 

Dec29

Christmas Gifts… Graced Moments

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Christmas Gifts… Graced Moments

 

Patrick

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Christmas morning my sons and Brianna wrenched me out of the kitchen in order to take a walk with the pups.  I was torn- feeling like I had so much to do before the 16 guests came for Christmas dinner at 4pm.  Then I stopped and asked myself.  What is the important thing right now?

It was a beautiful crisp morning and we went to the corner park so that Willow and Lua could get their wiggles out and Robert and Peter could play on the equipment.

 

Peter

 

Rob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I couldn’t have planned it better myself.  No Christmas card picture would have come out better than this one.  Perhaps the unstaged is the most representative.  If this is true, I feel especially blessed.

It was a graced moment.  An unplanned trip to the park with cups of coffee and a chill in the air and the people who mean everything to me.  Much more than a perfectly cooked and served turkey.

Patrick, Peter, Robert, Brianna, Lua and Willow

Dec23

Christmas Gifts… Try Trust

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Christmas Gifts… Try Trust

Madeleine and Isabella

These are my two beautiful great nieces at our annual Shaheen family Christmas party.  Can you see the anticipation in their eyes as they wait for one of the grown ups to holler “Time to open presents!”

Do you remember those days?   You know… when Christmas was all done for you and all you had to do was wake up and be surprised?  And you knew that your mom and dad would get you dressed and make sure you had good healthy food to eat.  They protected you and nurtured you and if life rolled out the way it was supposed to and you were very lucky you developed this thing called TRUST.

We trust the mailman to come.  We trust that Nob Hill will have fresh turkeys the day before Christmas.  We trust that a good friend will be there for us.

But sometimes things don’t go the way we plan and our trust wavers.  We worry about our kids having jobs after we’ve paid for the exorbitant cost of their college.  We worry about how long an aging parent will be able to live alone in their own home.  We worry about our health care or whether the plumber is going to overcharge us or if that mole on our back is going to pass inspection with the dermatologist.

As we get older we find more things to not trust and then we become mistrustful.

Try taking a break from worry today.

Try trust.

Rest in the Grace of the World

When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

~Wendall Berry

 


Dec14

Christmas Gifts… Let Peace Prevail

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Christmas Gifts… Let Peace Prevail

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me…

Do you remember this song?  I sang it quite a bit when I was a teenager; however I didn’t really think much about what it meant back then.  But as I think about the words today a light bulb goes on for me.

We seem to project into the world whatever is going on inside of us.  If we feel disorganized, the world is chaotic.  If we feel anxious, the world is a scary place.  How can we have peace on earth if we do not have our own personal peace of mind?

When I was in high school I attended a YMCA camp every summer called Camp Fox.  Those were formative years for me and my experiences at this camp made a deep impact on my life.  It’s been more than 30 years and I still remember the following campfire story.

It was about a father and his son. The father wanted to get some paperwork done before he took his son to the park. To keep his son occupied until he finished his work, he cut a picture of the world out of a magazine, and then tore it into twenty pieces.  He told his son when he had finished putting the puzzle together, they would go to the park.  He was quite surprised when his son returned after just a few minutes with the completed puzzle.

The father asked his son, “how were you able to finish the puzzle so quickly?”  His son answered  “There’s a picture of a man on the other side.  When I put the man together, the pieces of the world just fell into place.”

Michael Jackson echos the same sentiment in his song Man in the Mirror.

I’m Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I’m Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

We may not be able to establish world peace before the New Year but if we look in the mirror and make a positive change in ourselves  perhaps we can come one step closer.

Let peace prevail in your hearts this Christmas.

Give the gift of your peaceful self to someone you love.