I found this engagement announcement years ago after my mother passed away. I had inherited the “trunk” with all of the family heirlooms and photos. When I first saw the fragile news clipping, I thought nothing of it really. I assumed it had gotten torn somehow and my mom had saved it nonetheless.
Years later, while going through the trunk, I saw a different fragile news clipping. It was a reflection of a broken heart, a broken woman, and the life she had imagined torn asunder. She most likely carefully and deliberately tore the piece right down the middle and replaced it in a box of photos.
No accident here. It was a message. A statement. Perhaps a legacy.
My mother told me once in a private conversation weeks before my own wedding, “I never planned on being divorced”. It was during an argument between us when I foolishly told her that what happened to her would never happen to me. If only I could take those words back.
Not only because I am now a divorced woman. But because my words had a certain arrogance and a sting that hurt her deeply.
No matter how you slice it, divorce wreaks havoc on a family. It creates “teams” that don’t play well together. It rents the fabric of family life, rearranges every holiday plan and every summer vacation. The repercussions rear their ugly heads in the least expected moments.
Growing up is something we all have to do. Becoming wise and learning difficult lessons is optional. Knowing what I went through with my parents divorce, I have a difficult time digesting the fact that I had a hand in repeating this history. Perhaps it was my legacy. Or an unconscious attempt at solidarity with my mother.
Maybe it was an “I told you so”.
Nonetheless, I am the woman I am today because I had to grow through the pain and struggle of my decisions. If only I could have been this woman without having had to wreak so much damage and heartache.
We project a part of ourselves into what we see and observe. What we interpret has everything to do with our own experience. As a young married woman with three small children, I saw a fragile news clipping that had accidentally gotten torn. Years later I see with different eyes. It is a statement of grief. A message and a warning.
And sadly, a legacy.