Dale and I were on a hike yesterday and as usual, when I am in motion, I get loose lips. “I feel guilty. I’m working from home. No makeup. No dress up. No gas expenditures. And I’m pulling in a good salary. So are you. This shelter in place has been sort of nice for us. But not for others. I feel guilty.”
Dale’s response? “It’s the Catholic in you.”
I was grateful for his comment. He noticed. Even though my Sunday Mass attendance has been abysmal and at times I can cuss like a sailor. You can take the girl out of the Catholic but you can’t take the Catholic out of the girl. Maybe I’m still going to heaven. Who knows.
On the downhill, Dale wants to run. I say go ahead. I’d rather walk. And walk in silence with this beautiful sky. It’s Holy Thursday and I am craving God.
It’s true. I do Catholic everyday. I work for a Catholic high school. We pray. We sing. We work on being in community. All the things that are meaningful for me. But with all the controversy in the Catholic church and my growing concern that women will never be priests- it’s all caught up with me. Some despair. Some dissatisfaction. Some disbelief. Did Jesus really wash the feet of the apostles? Did they really nail him to a cross? Did he really rise from the dead?
I do like to believe that the women were the first to see that the stone had been rolled away at the tomb. That might be my favorite part of the Easter story. And Veronica.. how she wiped the face of Jesus and it left an impression of his face on her veil. I love that..
Later, over a home cooked meal of pot roast and salad with Dale’s favorite dressing, blue cheese, we agree on a news station to watch. (That’s a challenge for us.. ) PBS is covering how people are practicing their faith during this holy week. There is a spotlight on the Muslim religion and how they celebrate Ramadan- fasting from dawn till sunset- it’s a time of prayer, giving, and self evaluation. Prayer together is so essential to this community and not being able to be together in prayer at the mosque is very sad for Muslims. When they break the fast, there is much celebration and food and people who are not as fortunate are invited and included. And there is so much joy.
I’m thinking of my own Catholic traditions. Tonight at 7pm, Holy Thursday services will be streamed from Bellarmine College Prep, the high school my three sons attended. Regardless of my doubts and my reservations, I want to be on the other side of that screen.
I feel spiritually depleted.
I am craving God 🔥