I recently traveled to Pendleton, Oregon via Portland to attend a wedding with my manfriend, Dale. Driving along the Columbia River, I requested to stop at Multnomah Falls, a place that I hiked often with my little family when we lived in Portland almost 18 years ago. I was totally unprepared for the flood of emotions I felt as we stood at the base of the falls.
The next morning in our hotel, after engaging in a ruckus round of early morning texts with my siblings- not an unusual exchange and something my son, Patrick, refers to as a Lebanese alarm clock- my brother, Johnnie, who lives in Pullman, Washington, singled me out in communication.
“Did you drive or fly in?” he inquired.
I responded: “We flew into Portland. Made me sad. Good memories.”
” Yes.. I bet.” He replied.
Me: “Don’t you wish you could have some do-overs in life?”
My brother, Johnnie, left the Catholic church years ago for a more fundamental Christian congregation and I quite expected him to come back with a bible verse that might elevate me out of the mundane into the spiritual realm.
But his response surprised me.
“Yes.” He said simply.
Now I would not bore/shock you with the list of potential do-overs that I have experienced in my life. Some are huge detours I’ve taken off the main road and some are on a smaller scale yet significant nonetheless. A few are so private and personal that I don’t even allow them into my conscious awareness, never mind share them with my closest friend. Most have had far reaching ramifications that were impossible to foresee.
I am going to make a list of those potential do-overs for myself, have a good cry, and then create a ceremonial burning so that I can face the future without regret, remorse and existential angst. If you decide to make your own list, I’d love to hear how that goes for you. Hopefully we can be the salve to heal one another’s disappointments in life, missed opportunities and painful mistakes.