Day 14 of a 14 day detox program and ready to report on better health, better sleep, better outlook on life, better woman, better have a glass of wine soon or I’m going to levitate off the planet.
I’ve drunk the Kool-Aid and I’m detoxed, de-flead, delightful, decompressed, delivered from sin and indecisive about the results, end product, over-all value of the experience and determination to continue some kind of gluten, sugar, dairy, alcohol, caffeine, throw caution to the wind never again kind of life-style.
Did you follow all that? Perhaps you need a detox so that you can think more clearly and join the ranks of the “free people” who will certainly reach a state of nirvana in this lifetime.
“Let me know how it turns out!” said my friends and co-workers. It’s like bungee jumping. If you are alive at the end with no major injuries you might be able to convince other people to do it! But for the time being, they are content to watch you endure it all.
The crowning event of my 14 day detox was the day 13 Faculty Appreciation Dinner at my place of employment, Presentation High School. Several weeks ago I signed up to do my duty and bring a dish to the event. I accidentally signed up for the “free” table. And I mean gluten, sugar, dairy, peanut, unknown additive free table. Oh well, I figured what’s the big deal? I was told that only the “free people” would be eating from this table. The rest of the group would be consuming the “catered” option.
At the end of the night I took home at least 99/100ths of my homemade arugula, cucumber, green onion, mushroom, tomato, toasted pecan with oil and vinegar (on the side please) salad. Where were all those free people?? Did they drink the kool-aid of the fried, buttered, glutened and sugared? Glancing at the table as I reclaimed my beautiful salad, I noticed that the food had hardly been consumed. Shall we add waste-free to the agenda? Oh Lordy, the people are starving in Biafra and we are picking at our plentiful food sources!
So the final evaluation? Drum roll please..
- I gave up coffee and am switching to green tea in the morning.
- I have so much energy from this detox that I haven’t really slept in 14 days.
Rather anti-climatic isn’t it?
Overall, I’m happy that I joined the ranks of the ”free people” and have had the discipline to do a 14 day detox. Now I know. I’ve been redeemed. I can enter into all those crazy conversations that the “free people” have and sound intelligent and informed. I can go to Whole Foods and find the chia and flax seeds and know how to use them. I am dangerous. I can spot a gluten in a list of ingredients.
I have drunk the kool-aid and lived to tell the story.