Monthly Archives: October 2011

Remembering Mom

Remembering Mom

I love this picture of my mom holding my son Robert when he was 3 months old.  That joy you see in her expression and the contentment in little Robert’s face says it all.

Dorothy, Dottie, Dot, Auntie Dot, Sittie, Mom…   She answered to many names whenever and whomever called and needed her warmth and generous love, her comforting down home cooking or just her calm presence and her sensible outlook on life.

25 years ago today my mom left us for what we fantasize as a “better place”.  25 years ago her five sons sat around her bed in her home and waited with her for the angels to come.  I got the call at 3am, having gone home to nurse a hungry baby- my mom would have wanted me to do that.

We celebrated her life with family and friends and of course plenty of food.  She is the woman who taught me that food is love.  And she would have wanted us to eat and laugh and take care of each other in our grief.

When she died she left such a palpable void in our lives and I would guess in almost every life she touched.   I often wonder what we would have done together in the past 25 years if she were still here.  Mother daughter things…  shopping, pedicures, talking every day on the phone.  What mistakes might I have avoided and which decisions would I have made differently under the auspices of her motherly wisdom?  What kind of woman would I be today if I had had the benefit of her nurturing, her advice, and her confidence in me?

I can see her mushing over my grown sons, petting them and cooking for them and asking them questions that would be totally off limits for their mother to ask of course!  And they would answer and tell her everything.  Because she is their Sittie and they  love her and she would be an integral part of their lives as she was for all 13 of her grandchildren.  No words can express the sadness when I stop to think of how our lives would have been enriched by her unlimited and unconditional love for us.

Mom, we carry a torch for you.  We embody all the wonderful things you taught us.  Don’t fight with your siblings.  Be honest on your tax returns.  Love everyone and feed them if you have the opportunity.

We will, Mom, and we do.  We do it with you in our hearts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As a Man Thinketh in his Heart…

As a Man Thinketh in his Heart…

…so is he.  These are the words of James Allen.

I inherited this little book of wisdom from my father.  As you can see he felt comfortable enough to scrawl his name across the front of it…  Edmund F. Shaheen.  I suppose that was his stamp of approval or perhaps his round of applause after reading and digesting its life changing content.  With that endorsement, I decided to read it myself.

Having grown up with these concepts spoon fed to me, I was somewhat cocky in my approach.  Oh…  I felt I knew it all, had heard it all, and there was nothing new under the sun.  However, I was in for quite a personal challenge. With pen in hand I enthusiastically underlined my own favorite phrases and scratched my own personal notes in the margins.

The first show stopper was this: “A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild: but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth.  If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind. Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful, and pure thoughts.”

As a woman with a passion for working outside in her garden, this passage spoke volumes to me.  In summary good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bad fruit. It appears so simple but do I really grasp the ramifications of it?

In The Seven Day Mental Diet by Emmet Fox, readers are challenged to “make up your mind to devote one week solely to the task of building a new habit of thought, and during that week let everything in life be unimportant as compared with that.  For seven days you must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought.”

Fox defines a negative thought as “any thought of failure, disappointment, or trouble; any thought of criticism, or spite, or jealousy, or condemnation of others, or self-condemnation; any thought of sickness or accident; or, in short, any kind of limitation or pessimistic thinking.  Any thought that is not positive and constructive in character, whether it concerns you yourself or anyone else, is a negative thought.”

This is a tall order…

I am humbled at the percentage of my daily thoughts that can be considered negative. As I become more aware of my negative thinking, I realize the huge challenge of staying the course of positive thinking.

It’s difficult.

Try it for 24 hours.  When a negative thought crosses your mind say silently but firmly to yourself “cancel”.  Or you might want to put a thin rubber band around your wrist and give it a light snap when pessimism prevails.

And what is the potential outcome of this little exercise?  Here is some food for thought so to speak:

  • A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the sum of all his thought.
  • Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.
  • Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction.
  • Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish your music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.

and finally…

  • Into your hands will be placed the exact results of our own thoughts; you will receive that which you earn; no more, no less.

As A Man Thinketh was published in 1902.  Since then there have been many modern writers reciting the same principles- Louise L. Hay, Wayne Dyer, Jack Canfield, Tony Robbins, and Jose Silva to name a few.  It is a challenging practice that reaps enormous benefits.  In a world where violence, retribution, litigation and harsh punishments prevail, this quiet practice can provide a haven of peace in one’s life and a calmness of mind that is profitable and potentially contagious.

My Dad.. The Eternal Optimist

My Dad.. The Eternal Optimist

My father always said that he had missed his calling.  He fancied himself a renowned psychologist existing inside the body of a real estate investor. He was a follower of Timothy Leary in the fifties, practiced Silva Mind Control and psycho-cybernetics in the sixties and seventies and was a charter member of Optimist International. When I was a teenager he bought me books to read with titles such as You Are Not The Target by Laura Archera Huxley and The 7 Day Mental Diet by Emmet Fox.  I grew up knowing what an “affirmation” was and had several taped to my bathroom mirror.

When I was first married my dad mentioned to my new husband that he was planning on purchasing the latest model Cadillac and in the meantime had placed a picture of it on the refrigerator where he could see it every day and visualize himself driving it.  This gained him quite the reputation with my very conservative Irish Catholic in-laws.

But I understood him and was one of his faithful disciples, standing by his side and believing in his seemingly far fetched ideas throughout my childhood.  In my teens his advice and wisdom elevated me out of the insecurities and doubts other adolescents experienced.  As a young adult I looked to him for confidence and support as I discovered how to be a good parent to my three sons.

My father was probably the biggest influence in my decision to study the field of psychology.  To this day I find such wisdom in books that I inherited from his bookshelf:  among them The Greatest Salesman in the World by Ogden Mandino, As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, Born To Win by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongward, and The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran…  all replete with his personal thoughts scratched in the margins and noteworthy sentences underlined.

His legacy lives on in my heart and on challenging days when I am dealing with seemingly rude and obnoxious people I still hear him saying to me “Sis baby.. you are not the target!”

Happy Father’s Day to the first significant man in my life, Edmund Francis Shaheen Sr.