Tag Archives: miracle

Fearfully and wonderfully made…

Fearfully and wonderfully made…

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in the secret of darkness

before I saw the sun

in my mother’s womb

        ~Psalm 139:14

Dear little Boe,

You are a miracle.  A gift.  Someone new to love and long to hold.  A bundle of sweet smells and warm cuddles.  You have us all in awe and wonder.

How beautiful you are.  A blank slate.  A crisp white page to be filled with lovely lyrics.  An empty vessel within which we place all our hopes and dreams.  Your innocence is compelling.  I feel absolution in your presence.

I know that some little parts of you have been etched from my own body.  That in itself is mind blowing.  I look at you and feel such love and connection- and at the same time, a sense of mystery.  Who are you?  Who will you become?  How will I fit into your life?  What will we do together to build our relationship?

Little lovey, the day you were born we all experienced a life changing transition.  Woman and man became mother and father.  Mother and father became grandmother and grandfather.  It may take some time for us to learn our new roles so please be patient with us.

I hear other grandparents brag that they can spoil their grandchildren and then send them home.  All the fun and none of the responsibility.  Then they laugh!  But Boe, I have a little secret for you.

I would do it all again.  The pain of labor, the sleepless nights, the diapers, the desitine, the sticky kisses, the million and one soccer, basketball and little league games, the waiting up for teenagers, the “sex” talks, and the endless and painful letting gos- witnessing three little boys traverse their paths into manhood.

But there would be do-overs.  I would clean less, order more take out, play more games and be more attentive to the ebb and flow of raising a family.  And most of all I would allow myself to enjoy it all.  Not be so stressed and insecure. Not be so hard on myself.  Not compare myself to other moms who appeared to be doing it better.

Little Boe, when your daddy was growing up, I wrote him letters on his birthdays and other occasions so that he would know how my love for him unfolded and developed as he grew up and became a young man.  When he graduated from high school I gave him all those letters.  It was a labor of love.

I want to do that for you, little Boe.  I want you to see what I see in you.  And in those moments when you are feeling insecure or a little blue, I want you to know how much you are loved, fearfully and wonderfully made, and carefully knit together in the secret of your mother’s womb by an even greater Love.

My heart is full.  My life has taken on a new meaning with your birth.  I have so many things I’d like to share with you.  So many songs I want to sing to you.  And I have all the time in the world to listen to you.

Stay sweet, little boy.  Take in all the love you can.  Learn honesty and integrity.  Be generous and kind.

Grow up to be a man for others.

I love you,

Your Sitti

 

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Christmas Gifts… A Legacy of Love

Christmas Gifts… A Legacy of Love

I love the beautiful Christmas song “Mary Did You Know?”  It talks about how Mary came to discover that she had birthed the savior of the world.  Despite her elite appointment as the mother of Jesus, she had to go through what every mother has had to go through.  The months of carrying a child.  The pain of labor.  The miracle of birth.  The daily care and feeding of an infant.  The watching and the worrying and wondering if she’d done this whole parenting thing right or if she could have done it differently or better.

I never quite experienced what love was until I had my first born son.  I remember feeling like a co-creator with God.  I thought I had earned an academy award or at least a thunderous round of applause.  It was such a magnificent feat yet so ordinary really.  Women do it every day.

But the miracle for me was how my life changed in every facet.  I lived each subsequent day in love with this little infant.  I had become a conduit of love.  The love I received from my own mother who labored to deliver me.  The love of both my parents. The love of my siblings and my extended family.   The love I’ve received from friends and people who have touched my life in a significant way.  The love and blessings and forgiveness I have received from my God.

All this love infused into my first born son.

To love is to take on a huge responsibility.  It is a promise to be true and to stand by and watch from a safe distance sometimes rather than rush in and fix.  Love can be fierce and protective or it can be consistent and dependable.  When we take on the challenge of loving someone we open the floodgates of all the love we’ve received into our lives and allow it to flow freely into our new found love.

I am so thankful for this legacy of love that I have been gifted.  Perhaps it is the most precious Christmas gift I have ever received.  And the most invaluable gift that I can give.

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