Tag Archives: confidence

The Mom Void

The Mom Void

It’s Mother’s Day and it seems appropriate that I would be channeling my mother in the kitchen this weekend.  Tabouli, Hummus, Baba Ghannouj- salt, allspice, cinnamon, garlic, tahini, eggplant, and parsley dripped and splashed everywhere!  You can’t make Lebanese food without making a mess, using your hands and taste testing along the way.  The sterile kitchen police would have me under arrest.

My daughter in law is craving Lebanese food for my little Lebanese grandson still nesting just under her heart.  A new little Shaheen boy in the works.  My mom would be beside herself!  Another man to cook for!

I found my place very early in life next to my mother in the kitchen.  I had no choice really.  I just grew up in there with my own apron and stepping stool, stirring the rice pudding, chopping the parsley and washing the dishes.  Sometimes all at the same time.

I never complained.  With a family of eight and so many brothers, it was the only way I could sneak something to eat before the food hit the dinner table. It was also my special time to be with my mom.  To smell her perfume and sing songs with her.  At a very young age, I wanted to be just like her.  She was so loved and admired by everyone.  And she was a fabulous cook.  I think she invented that idiom about the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach..

She always knew just what to do in every situation.  What to cook for every ailment.  How to take care of her family.  She could have written the book on mothering.

I watched her as a young mother wrap up my babies and sing to them.  When my youngest, Peter, was born, I found her playing in the sandbox with Patrick and Robert and their trucks.  “Whose mother is that??” I wondered!  My mother never got dirty.  My mother had her nails and hair done every week and wore heels and hose.  My mother didn’t own a pair of jeans until she turned 50!

As I recuperated from each pregnancy and birth, she cleaned my house and did the laundry and cooked delicious things for us in the kitchen.  I just held my babies and watched.  I wanted to get in there and chop and stir and wash dishes but clearly our roles had changed and I was no longer the little girl helping.  I was the mother. Still learning from her.  Still needing her advice and expertise.  Still wanting to be close to her in the kitchen.

Now on the cusp of being a new grandmother myself, I’m feeling a bit insecure in the transition.  What will my new role be like?  What are the expectations?  Will I know what to do with a new baby?  After all, it’s been 30 years since I had Peter.  Things have changed. Mothers are more enlightened due to the internet.  Information is dispelled easily through a quick Google.  Does anyone call their mother for advice anymore?

The new parenting trends bring natural fibers and toxic free toys.  Gender fluid nurseries and neutral color schemes.  Babies sleep face up instead of face down.  Bumpers are no longer safe in cribs.  There’s something called “sleep training”.

Maybe I will Google “gramma training”.

So I find myself in the kitchen where I feel safe and smug.  I know the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  Or through his mommy’s stomach.

It’s a start.  The rest will come in time.

As I chop the parsley and squeeze the lemons.  Smash the garlic with the salt just how she taught me.  Mix the Tabouli with my unsterile hands- I haven’t killed anyone yet with my cooking- I feel her standing next to me and I smell her perfume.  I am infused with her wisdom and her strength and her confidence in me.

“You got this, Sissie!  You’re going to be a wonderful Sittie!”

Feeling the Mom void..

218714_10150183593448449_6136620_o

 

Diva to the World

Diva to the World

 

I celebrated my birthday on Thursday and am now another year older and a wee bit wiser.  Several years ago I received a birthday card from a wonderful friend that had a similar picture to this one on the outside and on the inside it said “Diva to the World”.  I loved that card and practically tore my bedroom apart last night looking for it but to no avail.

When a woman gets to a certain age birthdays take on a whole new meaning.  I am in no way a “Diva to the World” but I can appreciate that it is a goal to strive for when outward beauty wanes and inside wisdom takes precedence. There is certainly a profound moment when a woman realizes that this transition has occurred.

There is much responsibility that comes with being this kind of woman.  We have so much to share and teach through the manner in which we live our lives.  Do we whine about every wrinkle and emerging gray hair?  Or do we walk with confidence, knowing that we have discovered many of the secrets of life- having traversed our own personal paths through dark alleys and into unknown caves- across high scary platforms that have build within us character and strength.

As women of a certain age we have a responsibility to mentor, to refrain from destructive gossip and to uplift other women in our lives.  We also have the ability to love fully and unconditionally arising from the perspective we have gained in our years of chasing our own inner demons and knowing that none of us is without flaw or weakness.

I found this beautiful quote in one of my journals as I looked and looked for that Diva to the World birthday card.

A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.” ~Jacqueline Bisset

To all my “Diva” sisters…

Live with integrity and grace.

Happy Birthday.