Time to fess up..
I have three wonderful and delightful sons and I wouldn’t change that for the world!
I have always wanted a daughter.
There came that moment in our early marriage when my husband and I asked ourselves. “Should we try for a girl?” But after considerable thought and deliberation. After acknowledging how blessed we were with three beautiful and healthy little boys. We decided that our plate (and our joy) was full.
I consoled myself with these thoughts…
Someday there will be a little girl who needs me and I will have room in my life and in my heart for her.
Today I had the privilege of going wedding dress shopping with my beautiful niece, Sarah. I felt so honored to be asked to spend this very special day with her.
Today she was that little girl who needed me.
Sarah’s mom, my sister in law and dear friend, Nancy, died of melanoma when Sarah was 22 years old. She would have so enjoyed this eventful day with her daughter! And perhaps I could have tagged along for Auntie support and fun and gossip! The three of us would have laughed and cried and laughed some more. Oh, what mischief we could have gotten into!
Today I had big shoes to fill. But I was not alone. I know Nancy was there with us.
When Sarah stepped onto the platform with that beautiful wedding dress on an angel bent down and kissed her. She was all aglow.
God works in mysterious ways.
Today Sarah, Nancy and I went wedding dress shopping together.
I love this picture of my mom holding my son Robert when he was 3 months old. That joy you see in her expression and the contentment in little Robert’s face says it all.
Dorothy, Dottie, Dot, Auntie Dot, Sittie, Mom… She answered to many names whenever and whomever called and needed her warmth and generous love, her comforting down home cooking or just her calm presence and her sensible outlook on life.
25 years ago today my mom left us for what we fantasize as a “better place”. 25 years ago her five sons sat around her bed in her home and waited with her for the angels to come. I got the call at 3am, having gone home to nurse a hungry baby- my mom would have wanted me to do that.
We celebrated her life with family and friends and of course plenty of food. She is the woman who taught me that food is love. And she would have wanted us to eat and laugh and take care of each other in our grief.
When she died she left such a palpable void in our lives and I would guess in almost every life she touched. I often wonder what we would have done together in the past 25 years if she were still here. Mother daughter things… shopping, pedicures, talking every day on the phone. What mistakes might I have avoided and which decisions would I have made differently under the auspices of her motherly wisdom? What kind of woman would I be today if I had had the benefit of her nurturing, her advice, and her confidence in me?
I can see her mushing over my grown sons, petting them and cooking for them and asking them questions that would be totally off limits for their mother to ask of course! And they would answer and tell her everything. Because she is their Sittie and they love her and she would be an integral part of their lives as she was for all 13 of her grandchildren. No words can express the sadness when I stop to think of how our lives would have been enriched by her unlimited and unconditional love for us.
Mom, we carry a torch for you. We embody all the wonderful things you taught us. Don’t fight with your siblings. Be honest on your tax returns. Love everyone and feed them if you have the opportunity.
We will, Mom, and we do. We do it with you in our hearts.